Funny Mother's Day Quotes & Card Messages
Last Updated: January 12, 2023
Looking for funny Mother's Day quotes and card messages? On this page, you'll find a fabulously funny selection of Mother's Day sayings to make you and your mom both laugh out loud! We've also written funny card messages you can write to your mom on Mother's Day.
Not only is mom our greatest teacher in life, but she's also a free therapist! She'll wipe our tears, cook us our favorite dinners and be there in good times and bad. Be sure to make her breakfast in bed, spoil her with flowers, shower her with heartfelt homemade gifts - and give her a big belly laugh with one of these funny Mother's Day quotes!
These funny Mother's Day sayings are a great addition to a card message for your own mom, your wife or partner, or a friend who is a new mom. Use these links to jump to a particular section, or scroll down the page to view all the funny Mother's Day quotes and messages and give Mom a giggle:
Funny Quotes | Funny Card Messages
Funny Mother's Day Quotes & Sayings
These funny Mother's Day quotes and sayings are for moms who don't take themselves too seriously! Even the celebrity Moms have challenging parenting moments, resulting in humorous reflections on motherhood. Others are about how amazing moms are and how much they sacrifice for their children.
Mother (n). One person who does the work of twenty. For free. See also: Saint, Wonder Woman.
I'd like to be the ideal mother, but I'm too busy raising my kids.
Why don't kids understand that their nap is not for them but for us?
~ Alyson Hannigan
Silence is golden. Unless you have kids, then silence is just suspicious
Ah, babies! They're more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.
~ Tina Fey
Nothing is really lost until your mom can't find it.
I've conquered a lot of things. Blood clots in my lungs - twice. Knee and foot surgeries. Winning grand slams being down match point, to name just a few, but I found out by far the hardest is figuring out a stroller!
~ Serena Williams
Sometimes I open my mouth, and my mother comes out.
It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn't finish...
~ Carrie Underwood
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
~ Milton Berle
Wine is necessary
~ Kelly Clarkson
Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children!
~ Sam Levenson
My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
~ Mark Twain
I always say if you aren't yelling at your kids, you're not spending enough time with them.
~ Reese Witherspoon
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
~ Calvin Trillin
Setting a good example for your children takes all the fun out of middle age.
~ William Feather
If at first you don't succeed, try doing it the way Mom told you to in the beginning.
I can be covered in spit-up on a conference call while I'm pumping and that's okay because this is my perfect. It may not be somebody else's, but this is mine.
~ Kerry Washington
My mother told me a million times not to exaggerate.
A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.
~ Tenneva Jordan
Parenting is f**king hard.
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
~ Phyllis Diller
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.
~ Erma Bombeck
Once you're a mom, you're always a mom. It's like riding a bike. You never forget
~ Taraji P. Henson
If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says 'keep away from children'.
~ Susan Savannah
I love to play hide and seek with my kid, but some days my goal is to find a hiding place where he can't find me until after high school.
Children are a great comfort in your old age - and they help you reach it faster, too.
When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
~ Erma Bombeck
OMG, My mother was right about everything!
Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary for human life.
My favorite part about being a mom, I mean it's so corny, but no matter how tired you are, it's complete bliss. No matter what.
~ Khloé Kardashian
The one thing children wear out faster than shoes is parents.
~ John J. Plomp
The days are long, but the years are short.
~ Gretchen Rubin
My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.
~ Buddy Hackett
Having a baby is just living in the constant unexpected, you never know when you're gonna get crapped on or when you're gonna get a big smile or when that smile immediately turns into hysterics.
~ Blake Lively
There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.
~ Chinese Proverb
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, I am my mother after all!
It's not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.
~ Betty White
Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom, has instilled within each of us a powerful biological instinct to reproduce; this is her way of assuring that the human race, come what may, will never have any disposable income.
~ Dave Barry
Ma-ma does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Da-da first.
~ Mignon McLaughlin
I used to give my friends who have kids advice all the time, and they would look at me like I had three heads. And then, when I had two, I literally apologized to all my friends.
~ Jennifer Lopez
Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
~ Ambrose Bierce
The most expensive part of having kids is all the wine you have to drink.
A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.
~ Peter De Vries
Parenthood is the passing of a baton, followed by a lifelong disagreement as to who dropped it.
~ Robert Brault
Motherhood is basically finding activities for children in three-hour pockets of time for the rest of your life.
~ Mindy Kaling
Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.
Life doesn't come with a manual. It comes with a mother.
Daughter: "Mom, what's it like to have the greatest daughter in the world?" Mom: "I don't know, honey, you'll have to ask Grandma."
An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.
~ Spanish Proverb
Funny Happy Mother's Day Messages for Cards
These funny Mother's Day quotes for card messages are fabulous for moms who enjoy a laugh! They work well as a Mother's Day card message or a quick SMS to let her know you're thinking of her. They are sure to tickle her funny bone.
Happy Mother's Day to the best Mom I've ever had!
I'm so lucky to have you as my mother... I'm sure no one else would have put up with me this long. Happy Mother's Day!
It's not an easy job being a mom. If it was, Dad would do it.
Only a mother as perfect as you... could have a (daughter/son) as perfect as me. Happy Mother's Day!
Mom, I got all my best qualities from you. Aren't we lucky that you had enough for both of us?
I really love you Mom, but I'll still never accept your friend request. I don't need Facebook to say "Happy Mother's Day" anyway!
Happy Mother's Day to a woman who deserves a medal... for putting up with me all these years!
To my dear Mom on Mother's Day, I love you. I especially like your super long voicemails and texts that don't make sense.
Mom, I know it's hard for you on Mother's Day... to hide the fact that I'm your *favorite* child. Happy Mother's Day!
Happy Mother's Day Mom! Love, your *favorite* child.
You did a grape job raisin me. Enjoy your wine-time today! Happy Mother's Day.
Don't you think it's funny that you're still my mother? You deserve to have been promoted by now!
Happy Mother's Day Mom! Thank you for looking after us so well, I know it's not always easy! I love you!
Thanks for letting me be a parasite in your body for 9 months... followed by another 18 years as a parasite outside your body.
Wishing you a very Happy Mother's Day, Mom. (and apologies for my behavior when I was aged between 13 and 21!).
You're a very special mom so I'd like to give you a very special gift. You can have either a hug or a million dollars, whichever you prefer.
Do I know you well, or what!?
Thanks for giving me the best things in life: Your love, your care, and your cooking. Happy Mother's Day!
And these next funny Mother's Day quotes are for families in lockdown or social distancing because of the coronavirus pandemic in 2023. Sometimes a little light-heartedness can lift the mood during these challenging days.
I can't wait to be less than 6 feet away from you! Happy Mother's Day Mom!
Wishing you a very happy Mother's Day from a safe and appropriate social distance! We miss you and can't wait to see you again soon.
Keep Calm and Stay Safe... and have a very Happy Mother's Day!
More Happy Mother's Day Quotes, Messages, and Poems
I hope you enjoyed these funny Mother's Day quotes Here are some other Mother's Day pages you might like:
Happy Mother's Day Messages
Mother's Day Quotes
Funny Mother's Day Quotes
Mother's Day Sayings
Bible Verses about Mothers
Short Mother's Day Poems
Funny Mother's Day Poems
Christian Mother's Day Poems
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Mother's Day Messages for Friends
Mother's Day Messages for Your Wife
Mother's Day Prayers
Mother's Day Gifts your Mom will *love*
Make your mom a beautiful personalized Mother's Day gift to show her how much you love her.