10 of the Funniest Retirement Gag Gifts
(Free or Cheap to Make)

Is someone you know retiring or recently retired? Retirement gag gifts are a great way to send them off with a good laugh!

To get you started, here are some of my favourite ideas for gag retirement gifts, along with some ideas for funny messages that you could write in an accompanying card. For extra inspiration, make sure you also check out my homemade gag gifts page - some of the ideas there can also be adapted as retirement gag gifts.

Feel free to get creative and adapt the ideas on this page as much as you like. After all, the best retirement gag gift could be one that you have personalised. Think about the retiree's hobbies and personality, and see if you can come up with a gag gift that makes a gentle (or perhaps not so gentle!) dig at one of their quirks :-)

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Old Codger Merit Award

"You deserve some recognition for making it this far!"

Download the Old Codger Merit Award. "For lasting the distance. Congratulations on your retirement!" There's also the Certified Oldie Award - "Of course, we're all jealous... but at least we're younger! Congratulations on your retirement". Both files are in Microsoft Word format, so you can customise this retirement gag gift as much as you like.

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Retirement Activity Decision Cube

"Now that you're retired, you'll have so much time on your hands that you won't know what to do with yourself. So, just roll this handy die to help you decide what to do next".

The options are play golf, go fishing, look for missing spectacles, drink tea, take a nap, play with grandkids. Download the template here, and assemble with these simple instructions.

If you'd like to write your own text on the decision cube, you can download this Microsoft Word template.

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Gag Eye Chart

"As you get older, it's important to get your eyes checked regularly. Now you can do it in the comfort of your own home. If you ever need reassurance that you're eyes are still in top condition, just use this handy eye chart."

You can download a full-size pdf of the eye chart, or if you'd like to customise it then you can also download a Microsoft Powerpoint version.

This retirement gag gift idea also works well as a 50th or 60th (or older) birthday gag gift.

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Caution, Senior Moment in Progress!

"As a senior, you are a gold mine of wisdom. You have a lifetime of accumulated knowledge. The trouble is, you just can't remember any of it."

Download the full-size pdf sign.

To be completely fair, I think that even some juniors have senior moments. The other day I got my car keys out to open the fridge door :-P And I haven't hit 30 yet!

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"While you were napping" Message Pad

"While you were napping, Mrs Harper called to say that [your rocking chair has been repaired / she found your dentures / your prescription is ready / ...]"

Is the retiree a bit of a sleepy-head? Then this is a fitting gift. Download the pdf memo pad in large format or small format, or download the Microsoft Word document and customise it to your heart's content.

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Old-School Hearing Aid

"New fangled technology is okay, but old-school technologies have their benefits. Fred, Sally, and I chipped in to buy you this old-school hearing aid. It's strong as a rock, hard to lose, never runs out of batteries, and one size fits all. You should get good use out of it."

(Actual gift is an old traffic cone to be used as an ear-horn. Or, just make a cone out of a big piece of card)

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Retirement Word Search

"Now that you're retired, here are some of the things that you can look foward to". Download pdfs of the men's retirement word search or the women's retirement word search. Hidden words include things like golf, knitting, napping, watching tv, creaky joints, and bifocals.

For the full list of words, see the mens solution or womens solution. You could also have a go at making your own word search, using the retirees favourite activities!

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Retired Business Cards

"Now that you're retired, it's important to maintain your professional image and update your business cards. So, I took the liberty of making you some new ones."

Use this Microsoft Word template and come up with your own silly designs, or do a google search for "business card maker" (without quotes) to find services that will let you design business cards online.

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Gag Retirement Gifts Basket

Put together a little retirement gag gift basket with these items

• Marbles - for when you lose yours
• Magnifying glass - to help you see the fine print now that your eyesight isn't what it used to be
• Balloon - to hold the hot air you're full of
• Paperclip - because sometimes it's hard to hold it all together as you get older
• Mints - so that you can remember all the things you're "mint" to do

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Expert Jigsaw Puzzle

"I figured that puzzle-solving would be a fun activity for you now that you'll have all this spare time. The guy in the store assured me that this expert jigsaw puzzle is guaranteed to keep you busy for hours and hours". Actual present is a bag of sawdust. Make sure you wrap it to look like a real puzzle.

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Looking for more ideas?

I hope my list of retirement gag gifts gave you some good ideas! If you're still looking for more, check out my homemade gag gifts page.

Have some of your own ideas for fun retirement gag gifts? Share them here - you can also see ideas that other readers have shared :-)

Happy Gifting!