Best Funny & Inspirational Retirement Quotes
Updated: April 19, 2021
Inspiring and funny retirement quotes and card messages to wish your boss, coworker, friend, or family member all the very best in their retirement and to congratulate them on reaching this incredible milestone!
Wish the lucky retiree all the best for their retirement and send them on their way with some retirement wisdom from those who have been there before!
Choose from our hand-picked retirement quotes that celebrate reaching this incredible milestone in life, or give them some funny retirement advice! There are also some retirement wishes to help you craft a farewell greeting card message.
Use the quick-links below to jump to a particular section, or scroll down the page to read all the retirement quotes and sayings.
Funny Retirement Quotes
A selection of humorous retirement quotes celebrating the joy of retirement but also the less glamorous sides to being retired too.
Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.
~ Gene Perret
You can retire, but you can't retire from being great!
Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.
~ Jonathan Clements
The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.
~ Abe Lemons
Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.
~ Gene Perret
You're retired - goodbye tension, hello pension!
~ Author Unknown
Retirement, a time to do what you want to do, when you want to do it, where you want to do it, and, how you want to do it.
~ Catherine Pulsifer
There is no need to be bound by convention, push the envelope, do it weird, do it different, but most of all do it fun! Be that cigar chomping rock'n'roll granny if it takes your fancy.
~ from "101 Fun Things to do in Retirement" by Stella Rheingold
Retirement: That's when you return from work one day and say: "Hi, Honey, I'm home - forever."
~ Gene Perret
What do you call someone who's happy on Mondays? Retired!
Retirement is when you switch bosses from the one who hired you to the one who married you.
~ Gene Perret
Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.
~ Robert Benchley
When a man retires, his wife gets twice as much husband for half as much money.
~ Chi Chi Rodriguez
I'm not just retiring from the company, I'm also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron.
~ Hartman Jule
Retirement is when you stop lying about your age and start lying around the house.
Retirement: No job, no stress, no pay!
The best part about being retired is never having to request time off.
Happy days are here at last, the days of nine to five are past, you've worked your life and paid your dues, now you can do just what you choose!
Retirement Quotes about saying Goodbye
A collection of retirement quotes about moving on and saying goodbye. They are encouraging and inspiring retirement sayings that would be a lovely addition to any farewell card message.
It's time to say goodbye, but I think goodbyes are sad and I'd much rather say hello. Hello to a new adventure.
~ Ernie Harwell
If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.
~ Paulo Coelho
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
~ Dr Seuss
It is so hard to leave - until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world.
~ from "Paper Towns" by John Green
Goodbyes are not forever. Goodbyes are not the end. They simply mean I'll miss you until we meet again.
~ Author Unknown.
Well, here at last, dear friends, on the shores of the Sea comes the end of our fellowship in Middle-earth. Go in peace! I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil.
~ from "The Return of the King" by J.R.R. Tolkien
May you always have work for your hands to do.
May your pockets hold always a coin or two.
May the sun shine bright on your windowpane.
May the rainbow be certain to follow each rain.
May the hand of a friend always be near you.
And may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.
~ Irish Blessing
How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.
People will often forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
~ Maya Angelou
Inspirational Retirement Quotes about New Beginnings
These inspiring retirement quotes are all about celebrating the new beginnings that retirement brings, and the amazing opportunities that await!
Retirement is not the end of the road. It is the beginning of the open highway.
Congratulations! Today is your day. You're off to great places. You're off and away!
~ Dr. Suess
Retirement is a blank sheet of paper. it is a chance to redesign your life into something new and different.
~ Patrick Foley
Dare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself. Go forward and make your dreams come true.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.
~ J. Lubbock
Retirement is when you stop living at work and start working at living.
Retirement is when having a good time is your only job.
Often when you think you're at the end of something, you're at the beginning of something else.
~ Fred Rogers
You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.
~ C.S. Lewis
Don't act your age in retirement. Act like the inner young person you have always been.
~ J.A. West
The key to retirement is to find joy in the little things.
~ Susan Miller
Don't simply retire from something; have something to retire to.
~ Harry Emerson Fosdick
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
~ Abraham Lincoln
Look on every exit as being an entrance somewhere else.
~ from "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead" by Tom Stoppard
Retire from work, but not from life.
~ M.K. Soni
Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.
~ Lyrics from "Closing Time" by Semisonic
What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.
~ from "Little Gidding" by T.S. Eliot
Shall the day of parting be the day of gathering?
And shall it be said that my eve was in truth my dawn?
~ taken from "The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran
I'll tell you this. Leaving that which you love breaks your heart open. But you will find a jewel inside, and this precious jewel is the opening of your heart to all that is new and all that is different, and it will be the making of you - if you allow it to be.
~ from "Leaving Everything Most Loved" by Jacqueline Winspear
Funny Retirement One-liners
Here are some funny retirement quotes and sayings to put on a button badge or sign for the retiree on their last day at work!
I'm not retired - golfing is a full-time job!
I'm not retired - knitting is a full-time job!
I'm retired... but I work part time as a pain in the butt!
Retired, but working part time spoiling my grandkids!
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth!
Quit yer yappin and give me my damn discount!
Retired and happy... spending my kids' inheritance!
Senior Citizen... and Unsolicited Advice Dispenser!
Retirement is what you do between doctor appointments.
I'm retired. Your Not. Nah nah nah nah nah.
Retirement: the pay sucks, but the hours are really good!
65 is the new... what was I saying?
And you can find many more silly retirement ideas on our retirement gag gifts page.
Happy Retirement Quotes for Greeting Cards
Happy retirement wishes and card messages to wish your boss, coworker, friend, or family member all the very best in their retirement and to congratulate them on reaching this incredible milestone!
Congratulations on your retirement!
It's your time to relax! Congratulations on your retirement, you've earned it!
Congratulations on your retirement, we're so excited to see you have some time to enjoy and relax after all that hard work!
Wishing you a wonderful retirement. Enjoy this new chapter of your life and we hope it's filled with good health, relaxation, and fun!
I'll miss your energy, enthusiasm, and most of all, your unfailing dedication to helping this place function a little better everyday. Wishing you nothing but the best in your retirement.
It's a big, beautiful world out there. Adventure awaits! Wishing you all the very best for your retirement!
Happy Retirement! All the best to you and your family at this exciting time.
Congratulations! We hope you enjoy every minute of your retirement!
Congratulations on your long awaited retirement, we're so happy for you. Enjoy spending more time with your beautiful grandkids!
Wow I can't believe you're actually retiring! Very well deserved after such an amazing career, and I hope you enjoy every moment.
Wishing you a very happy retirement with plenty of time to get through that "to do" list of yours!
Retirement is the only real excuse you'll ever have to spend your entire life's savings. Have fun!
For more retirement quotes for cards, take a look at our full collection of retirement greeting card messages on our Retirement Wishes page.
Last minute retirement gifts
Here are a couple of last minute retirement gift ideas to help you send off the retiree with your thanks and gratitude, and perhaps a few laughs too!
Printable Retirement Poster
Make the retiree a personalized poster which looks back over their career and celebrates all they have achieved. Personal and heart-felt, its a way to acknowledge their contribution and commitment over the years, and send them on their way with gratitude.
Printable Retirement Certificate
Have a play on our free Retirement certificate maker and present your coworker or family member with a funny certificate celebrating this milestone achievement.
More Retirement ideas
I hope you enjoyed our collection of retirement quotes! And we have more ideas on our 65 Retirement Wishes and Card messages page.