40+ Best Retirement Quotes

40+ funny and inspiring retirement quotes to write in a card for a colleague, boss, or family member who is finishing up at work.

Wish a family member, parent, or friend all the best for their retirement, and send them on their way with some retirement wisdom from those who have been there before!

Choose from our hand-picked retirement sayings that celebrate reaching this incredible milestone in life! Wish the lucky person all the best for the next chapter in their life, or give them some funny retirement advice!

retirement quotes

Updated: 26th April, 2018

Funny Retirement Quotes

A selection of humorous retirement quotes celebrating the joy of retirement but also the less glamorous sides to being retired too.

"Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it."
~ Gene Perret

"Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money."
~ Jonathan Clements

"The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off."
~ Abe Lemons

"Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese."
~ Gene Perret

You're retired - goodbye tension, hello pension!
~ Author Unknown

"Retirement, a time to do what you want to do, when you want to do it, where you want to do it, and, how you want to do it."
~ Catherine Pulsifer

"There is no need to be bound by convention, push the envelope, do it weird, do it different, but most of all do it fun! Be that cigar chomping rock'n'roll granny if it takes your fancy."
~ from "101 Fun Things to do in Retirement" by Stella Rheingold

Retirement: That's when you return from work one day and say: "Hi, Honey, I'm home - forever."
~ Gene Perret

What do you call someone who's happy on Mondays? Retired!
~ Anon

"Retirement is when you switch bosses from the one who hired you to the one who married you."
~ Gene Perret

And this one-liner is rather funny, especially if you write it on a toilet seat!

"When you've got to go, you've got to go!"


Check out our Retirement Gag Gifts page if you're looking for more funny retirement ideas.

Retirement Farewell Quotes

A collection of retirement quotes to say goodbye to a colleague or boss, and send them on their way with your best wishes.

"It's time to say goodbye, but I think goodbyes are sad and I'd much rather say hello. Hello to a new adventure."
~ Ernie Harwell

"If you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello."
~ Paulo Coelho

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
~ Dr Seuss

"It is so hard to leave - until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world."
~ from "Paper Towns" by John Green

"Goodbyes are not forever. Goodbyes are not the end. They simply mean I'll miss you until we meet again."
~ Author Unknown.

"Well, here at last, dear friends, on the shores of the Sea comes the end of our fellowship in Middle-earth. Go in peace! I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil."
~ from "The Return of the King" by J.R.R. Tolkien

Inspirational Retirement Sayings about New Beginnings

These next retirement quotes are all about celebrating the new beginnings that retirement brings, and the new opportunities that await!

"Look on every exit as being an entrance somewhere else."
~ from "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead" by Tom Stoppard

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."
~ Lyrics from "Closing Time" by Semisonic

"What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from."
~ from "Little Gidding" by T.S. Eliot

"Shall the day of parting be the day of gathering? And shall it be said that my eve was in truth my dawn?"
~ taken from "The Prophet" by Kahlil Gibran

"I'll tell you this. Leaving that which you love breaks your heart open. But you will find a jewel inside, and this precious jewel is the opening of your heart to all that is new and all that is different, and it will be the making of you - if you allow it to be."
~ from "Leaving Everything Most Loved" by Jacqueline Winspear

More Happy Retirement Quotes

And here are some more inspiring quotes that you could use in a retirement card to wish the retiree all the best for this new chapter of their life.

May you always have work for your hands to do.
May your pockets hold always a coin or two.
May the sun shine bright on your windowpane.
May the rainbow be certain to follow each rain.
May the hand of a friend always be near you.
And may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.
~ Irish Blessing

"Dare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself. Go forward and make your dreams come true."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time."
~ J. Lubbock

"Retire from work, but not from life."
~ M.K. Soni

You can retire, but you can't retire from being great!
~ Anon

Retirement is when having a good time is your only job.
~ Anon

Retirement is when you stop living at work and start working at living.
~ Anon

Happy days are here at last, the days of nine to five are past, you've worked your life and paid your dues, now you can do just what you choose!
~ Anon

Retirement "Badge" Sayings


Here are some silly retirement quotes and sayings to put on a button badge or sign for the retiree on their last day at work!

retirement quote golfing is a full time job

  • I'm not retired - golfing is a full-time job!
  • I'm not retired - knitting is a full-time job!
  • I'm retired... but I work part time as a pain in the butt!
  • Retired, but working part time spoiling my grandkids!
  • Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth!
  • Quit yer yappin and give me my damn discount!
  • Retired and happy... spending my kids' inheritance!
  • Senior Citizen... and Unsolicited Advice Dispenser!
  • Retirement is what you do between doctor appointments.
  • I'm retired. Your Not. Nah nah nah nah nah.
  • Retirement: the pay sucks, but the hours are really good!
  • 65 is the new... what was I saying?

And you can find many more silly retirement ideas on our retirement gag gifts page.

Last minute retirement gifts

Here are a couple of last minute retirement gift ideas to help you send off the retiree with your thanks and gratitude, and perhaps a few laughs too!

Printable Retirement Poster

Make the retiree a personalized poster which looks back over their career and celebrates all they have achieved. Personal and heart-felt, its a way to acknowledge their contribution and commitment over the years, and send them on their way with gratitude.

Click here to personalize and print your poster


Printable Retirement Certificate

Have a play on our free Retirement certificate maker and present your colleague or family member with a funny certificate celebrating this milestone achievement.

retired old codger certificate template

More Retirement ideas

I hope you enjoyed our collection of retirement quotes! And we have more ideas on our 30 Retirement Wishes and Card messages page.

If you're looking for a personalized retirement gift, do check out our "retirement statistics" poster generator and our retirement gift ideas.

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