100+ Happy Birthday Funny Wishes, Quotes, Jokes & Images
Looking for Happy Birthday funny wishes, quotes, jokes and images to put a smile on someone's face on their birthday? Whether it's for him or for her, a friend or a colleague, or maybe even a belated birthday wish, we've got you covered with our huge selection of funny birthday wishes.
Write them in birthday cards, send them by SMS or email, or message someone on Facebook or Twitter. No matter how you send one of these funny wishes you're sure to brighten their birthday and make them laugh!
Use these quick-links to jump to a particular section, or scroll down the page to see the entire collection of funny birthday quotes and wishes.
Last updated: February 19, 2019
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Happy Birthday Funny Quotes
A selection of happy birthday funny quotes you can use to wish someone a very happy birthday and poke fun at their age on their birthday. Use them as part of a funny birthday card message, or even as a Facebook caption.
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest! (But it has also been scientifically proven that too many will kill you.)
Don't let ageing get you down... it's too hard to get back up again!
Middle age... when "happy hour" is a nap!
If gray hair is a sign of wisdom, then you're a genius!
What goes up but never comes down? Your age.
Technically you're not 50. You're only $49.95, plus tax!
They say you lose your mind as you grow older... what they don't tell you is that you won't miss it much!
Age doesn't make you forgetful: having too many stupid things to remember makes you forgetful!
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
~ Chili Davis
Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
~ Jack Benny
Youth is a gift of nature but age is a work of art.
~ Stanislaw Lec
Age is not important unless you're a cheese.
~ Helen Hayes
Happy Birthday Funny Wishes
Some funny happy birthday wishes and messages you can use in a funny birthday card message to friends or family on their birthday.
I believe you forgot my birthday present last year, so now I'm returning the favor. Happy Birthday!
A wise man once said, "Forget about your past, you cannot change it". I'd like to add: "Forget about your present, I didn't get you one".
Happy Birthday to a [Mom/Dad] who's smart and funny and good looking, from a [daughter/son] who inherited all your best qualities.
Funny birthday wishes about getting older:
It's OK to light the candles on your birthday cake now; I've already alerted the fire department.
You know, they say that age is really all in the mind. The key is to prevent it from trickling down into your body.
Congratulations on being born a really long time ago.
You're how old?! Better take that cake outdoors to light the candles! Have a very happy birthday.
Congratulations, you've finally reached the wonder years... wonder where your car is parked? Wonder where you left your phone? Wonder where your glasses are? Wonder what day it is?
When I have a birthday I take the day off. But when my wife has a birthday, she takes a year or two off.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
You're not old! ...oh, no wait, actually you are, sorry about that...
Don't stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It's nature's way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.
Happy birthday!! You only look as old as the last selfie you took.
I wouldn't say you're old... you've just been young for longer than most of us.
Don't grow up... It's a trap!
Great news! ...you're still alive!
You've got more than half a century of accumulated knowledge and wisdom! That would be awesome... if you could remember any of it.
You know, I would be a whole lot more excited about you turning one year older if I was in your will. Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday to someone who has attended more birthday parties for kids than adults this year.
Personalize these happy birthday funny wishes with the age of the person.
Don't think of it as turning [insert age]. We're here to celebrate the 10th anniversary of your [insert age -10]th birthday.
Looking [insert age] is great - if you're sixty.
[For under 40s:] You may not be over the hill yet, but you have a great view!
[insert age]?! I demand a recount!
Congratulations on the 10th anniversary of your [XX]th birthday! Here's to many more.
Happy birthday! And remember you're not [insert age] ...you're 18 with [XX] years' experience.
[Insert age] and still too young to plan your own surprise party!
You're 60? That's only 16 in Celsius. Happy birthday!
Deepest sympathies on your [insert age] birthday.
Happy Birthday Funny Wishes for Her
A collection of funny happy birthday wishes for your mom, sister, aunt, or female friends.
The secret to staying young is make up... make up an age, then stick with it!
Happy birthday. It took you [insert age] years to look this good!
We'll be friends 'til we're old and senile... and then we'll be new friends!
Please don't retouch my wrinkles. It took me so many birthdays to earn them.
~ Anna Magnani
You're the youngest [insert age] year old I know.
Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.
Happy Birthday Funny Wishes for Him
Happy birthday funny wishes for him, including great messages to wish your dad, brother, uncle, or best buddy a very happy birthday!
If anyone calls you old this birthday, just hit him with your walking stick and throw your teeth at him.
Happy birthday! Don't forget to iron that birthday suit.
A little gray hair is a small price to pay for so much wisdom.
Fill in the gaps: H___Y B__T____ ... nice try- HAIRY BUTTOCKS.
Happy Birthday Dad! When I grow up I want to be just like you... but hopefully with more hair! Love, your son.
Middle age is when your age begins to show around your middle.
~ Bob Hope
You know you're 40 when your back is hairier than your head.
What did the bald guy say when he got a comb for his birthday? Thanks, I'll never part with it!
A man has reached middle age when he's warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police.
~ Henry Youngman
Happy Birthday Funny Belated Wishes
Oh no! Did you forget their birthday? Apologize with one of these funny belated happy birthday messages. I'm sure it will get you back in their good books...
I'm so sorry I forgot your birthday. The good news is that I also forgot your age. Happy Belated Birthday!
I'm so sorry for sending you belated birthday wishes. Honestly, I didn't think you would live this long. Happy Birthday!
I promise this card isn't late. It is intentionally arriving after your birth-day, because I think you deserve a whole birth-month. Happy Birth-month!
I know you think this card is a few days late. It's actually worse than that. This is your card from 2010 that I only just got around to sending. Happy Belated Birthday!
Happy Birthday! Don't think of this as a late birthday card. Consider it a very early one for next year. Here's wishing you a wonderful year ahead!
Happy Birthday Funny Wishes for Best Friend
Funny birthday wishes to wish your best friend a very happy birthday.
Some say the glass is half empty, others say the glass is half full. It's your birthday, just drink whatever's in the glass!
On your special day, I wish you peace, love, insight, relaxation, fun, knowledge, romance, friendship... and all that stuff that doesn't cost anything.
Just imagine all the things you'd want to hear on your birthday ...and assume I wrote them here!
For your birthday, I wanted to give you something that was both funny and charming, but then I remembered you already have me in your life.
At your age, people expect you to be calm, dignified and sober.... Disappoint them.
You're older; you're wiser; you're sophisticated. Far too sophisticated to be concerned with material things like presents.
At least you're not as old as you'll be this time next year.
If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember...You can always change your birthday on Facebook!
A true friend remembers your birthday, but not your age.
You're turning the perfect age. You're old enough to recognize your mistakes but young enough to make some more. Happy birthday!
The best part of being over forty is that you did most your stupid stuff before the internet.
Don't worry, they are not gray hairs, they are wisdom highlights. You just happen to be extremely wise.
By the time you're your age, you've learned everything - you only have to remember it! Many happy returns on your birthday.
I spent 3 hours searching the internet for the perfect birthday message for you and then I gave up. Happy Birthday.
When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
~ Mark Twain
You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.
~ John Grier
Happy 21st again!
If things get better with age, then you're approaching magnificent!
Happy Birthday Funny Jokes
A collection of happy birthday funny jokes you can send to your friends and family on their birthdays.
How does NASA organise a birthday party? They planet.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until the doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
I always get this warm feeling on my birthday - people won't stop toasting me.
You know you're getting old when you can't walk past a bathroom without thinking, "I may as well pee while I'm here."
The good thing about having a bad memory is that jokes can be funny more than once.
The good thing about having a bad memory is that jokes can be funny more than once.
Did you hear about the [insert age] year old who was still cool? Yeah, me neither.
Do you know why candles are always put on top of birthday cakes?
Because it's far too difficult to put them on the bottom.
You know you're old when you turn down the lights to be economical instead of romantic.
You know you're old when getting lucky means a short wait in the doctor's office.
You know you're old when you have a party and the neighbours don't even realize.
Did you know that [insert date] is a date when no famous men or women have ever been born? .....None, only babies!
More Happy Birthday Funny Wishes
Still looking for just the right message? Check out these pages for more funny birthday wishes and quotes: