150 Best Halloween Jokes and Puns for Kids

Last Updated: August 12, 2021

Looking for the funniest Halloween jokes for kids? On this page, you'll find a huge collection of hilarious jokes you can tell your friends this Halloween! From spooky ghost and vampire jokes, funny trick or treat and corny pumpkin jokes, to roll-your-eye bad dad jokes about Halloween!

Halloween Jokes

Scroll down the page to read the full collection of kid-friendly Halloween jokes, or use these links to jump to a particular section. We've grouped the jokes so that it's easy for you to find Halloween jokes that match your costume or knock-knock jokes you can use on your neighbors when you go trick or treating!

Best Halloween Jokes | Trick or Treat | Pumpkin & Jack-o'-lantern | Skeleton | Witch | Ghost & Ghouls | Vampires & Monsters | Knock Knock Jokes | More Halloween Jokes

Best Halloween Jokes for Kids

In this section, you'll find some of our favorite kid-friendly Halloween jokes that are sure to tickle your funny bone!

Why don't skeletons like Halloween candy? They don't have the stomach for it!

Knock, Knock! Who's there? Witch! Witch who? Witch one of you will give me lots of Halloween candy?

Why did the zombie stay home from school? He felt rotten.

What is a vampire's favorite ice cream flavor? Vein-illa.

Which monster plays tricks on Halloween? Prank-enstein!

Why was the Jack-o'-lantern afraid? It had no guts.

What do witches put on their bagels? Scream cheese.

Why are graveyards so noisy? Because of all the coffin.

How do ghosts search the Web? They use ghoul-gle.

How do you make a skeleton laugh? Tickle his funny bone.

What does a skeleton say before dinner? Bone appetit!

How do you make a witch itch? Take away the W.

How do you know when a ghost is sad? He starts boo-hooing.

Which vampire is best at math? Count Dracula.

What did the critics say about Frankenstein's art project? It's a monsterpiece!

What do you say when you meet a two-headed monster? Hello, hello!

Knock, Knock. Who's there? Wanda. Wanda who? Wanda go out trick or treating with me?

What is a ghost's favorite meal? Spook-ghetti.

What is a baby ghost's favorite game? Peek-a-boo!

Knock Knock! Who's there? Olive! Olive who? Olive your Halloween costume!

Trick or Treat Halloween Jokes

Funny trick or treat-themed Halloween jokes and one-liners for kids to share with their friends on Halloween. And if you can't go outside and trick or treat this year, these silly jokes will help you get into the holiday spirit!

What do witches put on to go trick or treating? Mas-scare-a.

What does a turkey dress up as for Halloween? A gobblin'!

Why didn't the coffee bean go trick or treating? Because it was grounded.

Which Halloween candy is never on time for the party? Choco-LATE!

What do owls say when they go trick or treating? Happy Owl-oween!

What do birds say on Halloween? Trick or tweet!

What did the fisherman say on Halloween? Trick or trout!

What did the little boy say when she had to choose between a tricycle and candy? Trike or treat!

What does Bigfoot say when he asks for candy? Trick or feet!

Pumpkin and Jack-o'-lantern Jokes for Halloween

Corny pumpkin and Jack-'o-lantern jokes and puns, perfect for sharing with your friends at Halloween!

Halloween Jokes

What is a pumpkin's favorite sport? Squash.

What do you get when you divide your Jack-o'-lantern's circumference by its diameter? Pumpkin-pi!

Why was the Jack-o'-lantern forgetful? Because he's empty-headed.

What's the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie? Your teeth!

What do you call a pretty pumpkin? Gourd-geous!

Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road safely? The crossing gourd.

How do you fix a broken Jack-o'-lantern? With a pumpkin patch.

What do you get when you drop a pumpkin from your roof? Squash!

What does a pumpkin like to read? Pulp fiction.

Skeleton Halloween Jokes for Kids

Tickle your funny bone with these hilarious Halloween jokes about skeletons!

Why didn't the skeleton go to the Halloween party? He had no body to go with.

When is a skeleton joke bad? When you don't find it humerus.

Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin!

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He didn't have the guts.

What did the skeleton say to the bartender? I'll have two beers and a mop!

Why can't skeletons play music at a church? They have no organs.

What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? Spare ribs.

What musical instrument does a skeleton play? The trom-bone.

What type of plates do skeletons like to use? Bone china.

Why didn't the skeleton go to school? His heart wasn't in it.

Why do skeletons have low self-esteem? They have no body to love.

What do old skeletons complain about? Aching bones.

What do you call a skeleton who won't work? Lazybones.

What is a skeleton's favorite instrument? The xyla-bone.

Who won the skeleton beauty contest? No body.

Why did the skeleton cross the road? To go to the body shop.

Spooky Halloween Jokes about Witches

Funny Halloween jokes and one-liners about witches and broomsticks, perfect for little kids!

What sound do witches make when they eat breakfast cereal? Snap, Cackle & Pop!

What is a witch's favorite subject in school? Spelling.

What does a witch use to do her hair? Scare-spray!

What do witches ask for at hotels? Broom service!

What do you call a witch who goes to the beach? A sand-witch.

What do you call two witches living together? Broom-mates.

Why was the broom late? It over swept.

Ghost and Ghoul Halloween Jokes for Kids

Trade these hilariously funny Halloween jokes with your friends at school as you get ready to trick or treat!

Halloween Jokes

Why are ghosts so bad at lying? Because you can see right through them!

Why couldn't the ghost see its mom and dad? Because they were trans-parents!

What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? He is mist.

What happened to the man who didn't pay his exorcist? The house was repossessed.

What position does a ghost play in hockey? Ghoulie.

What is a ghost's nose full of? Boooooogers!

Where do ghosts like to travel on vacation? The Dead Sea!

Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Day-scare centers!

What do ghosts use to wash their hair? Sham-BOO.

What did one ghost say to the other? Get a life!

What was the ghost's favorite ride at the fair? The scary-go-round! Or the rollerghoster!

What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost? You sure are BOO-tiful!

What did the mummy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting? Spook when you're spooken to.

What do baby ghosts wear on their feet? BOO-ties.

What do female ghosts use to do their makeup? Vanishing Cream!

What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurred? Spooktacles

What is a ghost's favorite dessert? BOO-berry pie.

What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bam-BOO.

What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-BOO!

What is a ghoul's favorite flavor? Lemon and slime.

Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!

What room does a ghost not need? A living room.

What's a ghoul's favorite game on Halloween? Hide-and-ghost-seek.

Where do fashionable ghosts shop? BOO-tiques.

Where do ghosts buy their food? At the ghost-ery store!

Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-BOO.

Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween? It didn't have a haunting license.

Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? Because demons are a ghouls best friend!

Why do girl ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures.

Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators? It raises their spirits.

What is a ghost's favorite time of day? Moaning time.

Where do ghosts go on holidays? The BOO-hamas.

Monster Halloween Jokes for Kids

These monster jokes are sure to make you laugh (and groan!) out loud! Definitely not scary, they're great for little kids and big kids alike!

How do monsters like their eggs? Terror-fried.

How do monsters tell their future? They read their horrorscope.

Why does Frankenstein's monster always finish his dinner first? Because he bolts it down.

Who did the monster take to the prom? His ghoul friend.

What is a monster's favorite bean? A human bean!

What is a monster's favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet.

Who do monsters buy cookies from? Ghoul scouts.

Why did the monster's mother knit him three socks for Halloween? She heard he grew another foot!

What is a monster's favorite dessert? I scream.

Vampire Halloween Jokes for Kids

If you're dressing up as a vampire this Halloween, be sure to learn a few of these funny vampire jokes to impress your friends!

What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher? Lots of blood tests!

How does a vampire enter his house? Through the bat flap!

How do vampires start their letters? "Tomb it may concern...""

What can you catch from a vampire in winter? Frostbite.

What's a vampire's favorite fruit? A necktarine!

What do you do if you want to learn more about Dracula? You join his fang club.

How do you know vampires love baseball? They turn into bats every night.

What did one thirsty vampire say to the other as they were passing the morgue? Let's stop in for a cool one!

What do you give a vampire when he's sick? Coffin-drops.

What's a vampire's least favorite meal? A steak!

What is a vampire's favorite holiday besides Halloween? Fangs-giving!

Why don't vampires have more friends? Because they are a pain in the neck.

Where do vampires keep their money? The blood bank.

Why are vampires so easy to fool? Because they're suckers.

Why do vampires need mouthwash? Because they have bat breath.

Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch? At the casketeria.

What is Dracula's favorite circus act? He always goes for the juggler!

What is a vampire's favorite fruit? A blood orange.

Knock Knock Halloween Jokes for Kids

These knock knock jokes are perfect for trick or treating!

Knock, Knock! Who's there? Phillip! Phillip who? Phillip my bag with Halloween candy, please!

Knock, Knock! Who's there? Boo! Boo who? Don't cry! It's just my Halloween costume!

Knock, Knock. Who's there? Ben! Ben who? Ben waiting for Halloween all year!

Knock Knock! Who's there? Fangs. Fangs who? Fangs for letting me in!

Knock Knock Who's there? Handsome. Handsome who? Handsome candy to me, please.

Knock Knock! Who's there? Dishes! Dishes who? Dishes a very Halloween bad joke!

Knock Knock! Who's there? Hans. Hans who? Hans off my candy!

Knock, knock! Who's there? Butter. Butter who? Butter open up quick, I have a funny Halloween joke to tell you!

Knock, knock! Who's there? Howl! Howl who? Howl you know unless you open the door!

Knock Knock! Who's there? Bee! Bee who? Bee-ware, there's a full moon this Halloween!

Knock, Knock. Who's there? Ivana. Ivana Who? Ivana suck your blood!

More Halloween Jokes For Kids

And here are some more Halloween dad jokes and one-liners to make you laugh out loud this Halloween!

What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope it's Halloween!!

What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!

The maker of this product does not want it, the buyer does not use it, and the user does not see it. What is it? A coffin.

Why didn't the scarecrow want any more candy? He was already stuffed.

Why are there fences around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in!

What do you call wood when it's scared? Petrified!

Why don't mummies have friends? Because they're too wrapped up in themselves.

What is recess called at a mortuary? A Coffin Break!

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine!

When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat? If you are a mouse!

What does an evil hen lay? Deviled eggs.

What do you call two spiders that just got married? Newlywebbed.

What fruit do scarecrows love the most? Straw-berries.

Who are the werewolf's cousins? The what-wolf, when-wolf, and the why-wolf!

Why did the Cyclops give up teaching? He only had one pupil!

Why did the headless horseman go into business? He wanted to get ahead in life.

Why don't mummies take vacations? They're afraid to unwind.

What goes around a haunted house and never stops? A fence.

What's a zombie's favorite cereal? Rice Creepies.

Halloween Coloring Pages

Looking for a fun Halloween activity for kids? Take a look at these spooky coloring sheets on our Halloween Coloring Pages page.

halloween coloring pages - 75 Free Printable PDFs

 

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